he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
