I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
