Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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