I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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