I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
