i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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