what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
