it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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