Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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