I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
