You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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