I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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