Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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