I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
