I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
