They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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