3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
