Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
