Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
