my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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