Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
