it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
