We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
pray to the hookup gods
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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