Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
