My pussy is not your playground.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
