my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
