We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
