im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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