I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
