That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
