So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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