it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
