He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
