What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
