i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
