Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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