are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
