just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
