you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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