He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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