I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
