Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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