So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
