I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
