dude i'm inner monologue high
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
