I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
