i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
