why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
