New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
