I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
