She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
