if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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