I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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