well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
