these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
